As a Parent Needing Support, Be Alert but Don't Isolate

Hello All,

I am troubled, as I know many of you are, by the recent case in Montgomery County, MD involving a teaching assistant in a non-public school who had alleged sexual contact with an Autistic teen in his home while his parents were away.  These types of incidents are so upsetting and challenge all of us deeply when it comes to making decisions about who to trust with our precious children.

I remember my search for a daycare provider when I needed to return to work after staying home for her first year with my only daughter.  It was so difficult, and I ended up convincing a friend to come out of child-care retirement and re-initiate her in-home day care service to support my daughter. That was one worry dodged, but little did I know it would be an ever-present mission.  All through her childhood, I taught her tips, strategies and communication skills that I hoped would protect her whenever she was away from me and her father. I also watched her in many settings with the folks around her to see if I ever detected any "tell" signs in her. Now, with the internet, social media, and mobile phones that never leave their sides, protecting our children takes increased vigilance----but the answer is not to isolate ourselves and our children.

It is even more difficult when working to protect our children with special needs where there may be heightened challenges of impaired communication skills, cognitive delays, naturally kind and trusting outlooks, inability to understand safety needs, the desire for friendships and relationships that compromise good decision-making, social skill deficits, and so on .  I work with children and their families daily, and I want to say here that if you are working with trained specialists, service providers, teachers, assistants, and others whose profession is to serve children, be alert to signs and mindful of how to decrease your child's vulnerability, but do not withdraw from your entire support system and isolate yourself and your child due to fear.

The Department of Social Services and Child Protective Service agencies are good places to seek information on understanding how to better protect our children by learning what to look for in them and in suspected adults.  The agencies can also inform you on how to proceed when it seems that something is out of place or unusual. It is true that decreased funding has increased case loads, but be persistent and assertive to get the services that you require.  There are also local support organizations who can link you to services (for example, most cities have an Arc chapter, and there are Autism organizations at various levels--national, state, local).  I have identified some children's book that address physical safety by entering "Special needs children safe from abuse".  You can engage that search, as well.

The parents of the teen in the most recent alleged incident noted his different behavior and it helped them uncover the issue.  Make certain that you observe and monitor your child in different settings and discuss any differences with your child and with a professional ---- sooner than later.  If your child typically engages in tantruming or other episodic behaviors that make it more difficult to sort out differences, enlist others you trust who are familiar with your child to help observe, and again, work with a professional.  Don't assume that a new negative behavior that might be alerting us to distress in a child is just a new tantrum for attention-getting or controlling you.  Withdrawn and quiet children and difficult, acting-out children are equally at risk and vulnerable because their distress can be masked by their typical demonstrations.  Professionals can be more objective and bring new eyes and critical training to your situation.  If your response is "It's the outsiders that are the threats in the first place!"  then I will say that you should make certain the professionals you work with have solid credentials and are vetted as thoroughly as possible, and then use your own intuition.  Watch interactions between your child and the professional(s) at different times----announced and spontaneously.  By all means, though, do not deny the importance of assembling a team of varied, caring individuals---some of whom should have experience and training---to help bring happiness and fulfillment for your child and family.