As a Parent Needing Support, Be Alert but Don't Isolate

Hello All,

I am troubled, as I know many of you are, by the recent case in Montgomery County, MD involving a teaching assistant in a non-public school who had alleged sexual contact with an Autistic teen in his home while his parents were away.  These types of incidents are so upsetting and challenge all of us deeply when it comes to making decisions about who to trust with our precious children.

I remember my search for a daycare provider when I needed to return to work after staying home for her first year with my only daughter.  It was so difficult, and I ended up convincing a friend to come out of child-care retirement and re-initiate her in-home day care service to support my daughter. That was one worry dodged, but little did I know it would be an ever-present mission.  All through her childhood, I taught her tips, strategies and communication skills that I hoped would protect her whenever she was away from me and her father. I also watched her in many settings with the folks around her to see if I ever detected any "tell" signs in her. Now, with the internet, social media, and mobile phones that never leave their sides, protecting our children takes increased vigilance----but the answer is not to isolate ourselves and our children.

It is even more difficult when working to protect our children with special needs where there may be heightened challenges of impaired communication skills, cognitive delays, naturally kind and trusting outlooks, inability to understand safety needs, the desire for friendships and relationships that compromise good decision-making, social skill deficits, and so on .  I work with children and their families daily, and I want to say here that if you are working with trained specialists, service providers, teachers, assistants, and others whose profession is to serve children, be alert to signs and mindful of how to decrease your child's vulnerability, but do not withdraw from your entire support system and isolate yourself and your child due to fear.

The Department of Social Services and Child Protective Service agencies are good places to seek information on understanding how to better protect our children by learning what to look for in them and in suspected adults.  The agencies can also inform you on how to proceed when it seems that something is out of place or unusual. It is true that decreased funding has increased case loads, but be persistent and assertive to get the services that you require.  There are also local support organizations who can link you to services (for example, most cities have an Arc chapter, and there are Autism organizations at various levels--national, state, local).  I have identified some children's book that address physical safety by entering "Special needs children safe from abuse".  You can engage that search, as well.

The parents of the teen in the most recent alleged incident noted his different behavior and it helped them uncover the issue.  Make certain that you observe and monitor your child in different settings and discuss any differences with your child and with a professional ---- sooner than later.  If your child typically engages in tantruming or other episodic behaviors that make it more difficult to sort out differences, enlist others you trust who are familiar with your child to help observe, and again, work with a professional.  Don't assume that a new negative behavior that might be alerting us to distress in a child is just a new tantrum for attention-getting or controlling you.  Withdrawn and quiet children and difficult, acting-out children are equally at risk and vulnerable because their distress can be masked by their typical demonstrations.  Professionals can be more objective and bring new eyes and critical training to your situation.  If your response is "It's the outsiders that are the threats in the first place!"  then I will say that you should make certain the professionals you work with have solid credentials and are vetted as thoroughly as possible, and then use your own intuition.  Watch interactions between your child and the professional(s) at different times----announced and spontaneously.  By all means, though, do not deny the importance of assembling a team of varied, caring individuals---some of whom should have experience and training---to help bring happiness and fulfillment for your child and family.

Back to School

Hello,

As we get ready for our children who are heading back to school, it is a great time to take stock of what our expectations are for this school year.  Most parents want the same thing, whether your child receives special education services, gifted services, or general education in public, charter, or private schools.  We want to know that our children will receive a quality education that will prepare them for the next level of schooling as they climb the grade ladder, or prepare them for college if they are close to leaving high school.  We want that education delivered in a safe school environment by staff who support and respect their rights as students, while teaching and guiding them.  We also want them with peers who support a safe climate by following school routines and rules.  “Safe” is not just defined as free from physical harm and threats, we want their emotional needs protected and their esteem held intact.  Sounds like a tall order, but it’s what schools should and can provide.  It happens when parents and community organizations partner with schools to support positive outcomes.  We have to get onto the same page; we have to say what we want in clear, concise language that is not abusive or threatening; we have to take the time to spend the time in the schools and with our children at home working toward the same ends. 

In my next entry I will focus on starting out the school year to support the partnering process if your child has an IEP.

Answers in comments

Good Evening,

In addition to posting, I will answer straight-forward questions in the comments section when possible.  Please make sure to look at the comments from time to time in case some of the answers can be helpful for you or someone you know.  I will place some of the answers additionally as posts when they seem general enough.

Welcome and introduction

Hello and welcome to Edukare's blog.  Here we will share information to support parents, teachers, service professionals, and others interested in the care and education of children of all ages.  Often our focus will be related to special education, as my first credential and most of my 30+ years in the field have been dedicated to special education. I am the Chief Consultant for Edukare, Kim Brown Lucas.  We will also invite other highly-skilled professionals to share information on this blog site.

Here's my background!

Brief chronology of Education and Experience (K Brown Lucas):

• BA Special Education
• Teaching Endorsement--General and Special Ed - PreK through Secondary
• M Ed Curriculum and Supervision
• Started in field as Director of Community Tutorial Center
• Moved to Special Education Coordinator in urban Head Start Program
• Moved to Public School* positions, General and Special ed settings - 13 years
• Populations taught included DD, LD, Aut, ID, PD, ADHD, OHI, OI   
• Moved to Public School* position of Special Ed Administrator - 13 years  

* Top-tier school system; 11th largest in the nation

Please stay tuned for helpful, effective, proven strategies and information.